R&V In the Word: Date Night during Advent

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

John 15:12-14 NIV

When our children were young and our marriage was fragile, my husband and I decided that we ought to set aside time each week for a date night. We needed time to be reminded each week that we were more than the parents of our children; we were husband and wife, two people that once liked each other, two people who used to do more than argue over being too strict or too lenient with three-year-olds.

I looked forward to date night like a famished wolf pacing a hilltop, waiting for the opportunity to strike unsuspecting prey in the valley.

“What do you want to do this week?” I asked my husband.

“I don’t care,” he often said. “Whatever you want.”

Sighhhhh, “Why do I have to make plans all of the time?” I’d reply.

“Okay, fine,” he’d answer. “How about we go to the movies?”

In the rankings of Gary Chapman’s well-known love languages, quality time consistently hits the top of my list. I love being with my people. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing as long as we’re doing it together, connecting in a meaningful way.

Except watching movies. I hated going to the movies on date night.

Groannnn. “Not a movie. I do not want to go to the movies,” I protested. “The whole point of date night is to be together, to talk, to listen, not to sit silently side-by-side and watch the same show. We can do that at home.”

“Well, you make the plans then,” he probably said, probably every week.

It was a fun time in our marriage. 

Ultimately, we did have a fun time together. We’d golf and then go out to eat, or go out to eat and then wander the aisles of Menard’s, dreaming about home improvement projects we couldn’t afford, or go out to eat and then go line dancing, laughing and spinning and fumbling through routines we used to know by heart, back before we had children.

That one night a week became the life raft we swam to in the middle of a week drowning in career stress and toddler tantrums.

The other day, we were talking about those years with friends. It’s been a decade. In this season of life, my husband and I no longer schedule weekly date nights, but we talk to each other all of the time. We walk together to his work or walk the dogs in the afternoon, and we talk about our children, our hopes for the next season, our future together.

The traditional theme for the fourth week of Advent is love, which I’ve always found to be kind of lame. Isn’t the whole point of this whole faith the reality of God’s love? Shouldn’t that be the theme for all of Christianity? It was, after all, the great commandment from Jesus. But I think just like we needed date night to remind us of why we were committed to each other, we need dates on the calendar to remind us of God’s love. 

The entire story of Jesus coming into the world is about sacrificial love—a young girl who sacrificed her own hopes and dreams for her future to birth an unexpected baby boy; a young man who sacrificed his reputation to raise a child he knew wasn’t his; a God who holds the fabric of the universe together sacrificing his god-ness to be born in the flesh, to spend time with his people, whom he loves—and greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for his friends.

May this one week of the year dedicated to the theme of love sow the seeds of love that can be harvested throughout the year as we walk together in Christ’s love.

Points of Reflection

1. In your own relationships, how do you make intentional space for love to grow, even amidst the busyness and challenges of daily life?
2. What is one way during this week of advent that you can set aside your own interests for the interests of someone else to give the gift of your love in quality time with them?

For the Kids

1. How can you show your love for a friend or family member, even when it’s hard or you don’t feel like it?
2. What is something kind of loving someone has done for you recently, and how did it make you feel?

Action

The holidays are a primer for love and generosity, a time during the year that we’re more inclined to lift our eyes to the needs of our neighbors. Embrace that spirit in December! Choose a route through your community that passes by places where neighbors may need support – perhaps a park, community garden, shelter, or homes of elderly or isolated neighbors. Come up with several different ways you can love your neighbors together: you might bring gloves, trash bags, and recycling bags to help clean up litter along your route, prepare small care packages in advance to give to people experiencing homelessness, and write encouraging notes or cards about the love and hope of Christ to hand out to neighbors or leave in mailboxes. Walk together with your family or friends, each taking a role in your route. You might pray for your community as you go, and if it’s appropriate, ask your neighbors if there are ways you can support them in the future (like delivering groceries or shoveling snow). When you’re done, reflect with your group on the experience, and consider making this activity a regular occurrence throughout the year.

Reading

Ordinary kindness can be the saving grace in someone’s life. Some books I’ve enjoyed lately that hinge upon the gift of ordinary kindness include Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr, The Little Thief by Mitch Albom, and The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.